sixteen

I don't look at girls and think they are hot

I don't like their chest's or butts. 

It isn't my thing. At all.

But when I think about being gay

It seems right. It feels right.

My church says it's wrong.

My parents wouldn't like it. 

My friends would be freaked out. 

For myself it would be weird.

I don't like women,

But I like being gay.

I am not trying to be insulting. 

I am dead serious.

It feels right. 

Can you be gay,

Without being gay?

Fifteen

Just because you come now,

Doesn't make up for when you didn't come.

Don't tell me to get over it

Because you are here now.

Don't ever tell me to get over something like that.

You lost the right.

It was important and you weren't there.

Why weren't you?

Because of a boy!

A boy that was out of your life under 6 months.

1,2,3,4,5,6.

GONE

But I am still here.

And now you are telling me to get over it.

No, you can come now,

but it will never make up the time you

Didn't come.

Fourteen

You know anyone else would do it,

Your other daughter,

Your Ex Husband,

They would try.

But your the only one who can

And your the only one who wont.

Why because your at the casino,

I get it but this is for school.

I need this!

Like frick! Do you even care?

I know its out of the way.

But aren't you suppose to go out of the way.

At least that's what I have heard.

On those hallmark cards.

I guess that's why,

Why its on those cards.

To make up for the lack of it in reality.

So now Ill either go without

or call your other daughter,

or your ex husband!

Anyone else would do it. 

Thirteen

I'll never be like you.

I'll never do the things you have done to me.

I won't hurt people that way.

Your just a stupid boy.

That I am completely in love with,

And yet I have to wait another day.

I can smile when I am at your house;

Be happy and cheerful at the dinner table,

But really I am not okay

My life really sucks right now.

I am going completely crazy and no one knows .

The walls are all turning grey.

I'm ready for change that I control;

And I am inviting you along.

What do you say?

Twelve

Family: somewhere to go for protection or growth. 

Family: source of life's biggest problem. 

Family: a lie believed by the whole entire world.

Eleven

It seems like you hate me, which you have every right. 

So its weird when you text me late at night.

What does this mean, I ask myself.

Do you care, or am I still another book on your shelf?

Is this a trick, some sick joke you thought would be funny?

Am I reading this right, because it seems to sunny.

Your wishy washy feelings really screw with my mind.

Do you still love me? Can we rewind?

Ten

Forgetting; that's easy, it's the forgiving I don't get.

I can distract myself; I can go a whole day without thinking about it. 

A whole week, a whole month and it'll never cross my mind.

But the odd chance that it does, it brings up a vengeance like no other.

Rage fills me from top to bottom and nothing but hate flows through my veins.

There's no chance of forgiveness, no way to easy the guilt. 

Anything you do; won't matter won't change a single thing.

 Like I said: Forgetting; that's easy, it's the forgiving I don't get.